Good Memoirs about Abuse and Trauma

Welcome to What’s Helping Today, a newsletter about the everyday work of staying alive on earth, written by author and journalist Sandy Ernest Allen.

Hi all,

I wanted to recommend some of my favorite memoirs about abuse and trauma and such. Some are books I’ve recommended previously. This list isn’t exhaustive and I’m limiting it to nonfiction.

Why read about tough topics like this? I find it can help, for some, hearing the stories of those who’ve lived through whatever we may have to.

It can also help to sometimes hear stories very different seeming than our own. For me, it’s sometimes in a story I think I won’t identify with at all that I’ve perhaps noticed some previously under-understood aspect of my own life.

I also felt motivated to put this reading list together because this newsletter had a bunch of new subscribers (hiii!) since I posted about such topics a few weeks back, in a political context.

So! In no particular order…

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado – a deeply original and powerful text, about an abusive queer partnership.

Somebody’s Daughter by Ashley C. Ford – a reckoning with the author’s father, who was imprisoned for much of her life.

Educated by Tara Westover – a harrowing and compellingly told coming-of-age story about abusive and neglectful people and high-control faith.

Man Alive by Thomas Page McBee – a trans man examines the violence he’s suffered perpetrated by men, as he becomes one himself.

Excavation by Wendy C. Ortiz – unpacking a long-ago relationship with a teacher, when the author was underage.

The Chronology of Water by Lidia Yuknavitch – a gripping, lyric examination of sexual abuse in a family.

Hunger by Roxane Gay – an unflinching discussion of the author’s body and eating and the aftermath a horrific sexual assault.

Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube by Blair Braverman – a stunning book about dog sledding, and about rape culture.

Heavy by Kiese Laymon – a phenomenal memoir about so much, including the author’s very complicated relationship with his gambling-addicted mother.

Maus by Art Spiegelman – a classic and a masterwork about intergenerational trauma, telling both the story of Spiegelman’s father surviving the Holocaust, as well as the effects this had on the author himself.

(I’ve told this anecdote before just to repeat it quickly: I used to teach Maus back in the day to my classrooms of students at the University of Iowa. They were undergrads, usually on the younger side, usually polite. Some would arrive knowing nothing about the Holocaust seemingly, whether they’d started out in Chicago or China, as were both common. My students were non-English majors being forced to take an English class, so they tended to not like books nor reading — and certainly they tended to not like me very much, probably in no small part for making them read books, let alone write essays. Anyway in my experience, Maus is THE book that could get through to anyone, despite everything, kinda no matter what.)

Bonus: Mariah Carey’s audiobook memoir, The Meaning of Mariah, which I’ve recommended before. In it she recounts her singular life, which includes a very candid depiction of an abusive partnership. The audiobook itself is a unique sonic experience, sorta unlike anything else I’ve heard, because she sings and does voices and impressions.

Fine let’s talk about trans people in sports. (If you read just one link on this topic, make it that one.)

It’s not really about sports. (If you listen to one podcast…)

Hey here’s another idea: we could listen to trans athletes themselves…

Other outlets doing coverage I find indispensable of late, to repeat: Chris Geidner’s Law Dork, Erin the Morning, Assigned Media. From the latter today, I personally loved hearing about some Iowans getting outraged on trans peoples’ behalf, heck yeah.

I’ve also appreciated these calm-but-informative news recap episodes they’ve been doing on We Can Do Hard Things.

Finally, just in case you’ve not yet seen it, I wanted to share this phenomenal new Teen Vogue cover interview with Vivian Jenna Wilson (Elon’s estranged trans daughter): “I don't feel like people realize that being trans is not a choice.”

What’s Helping Today: Last week I finally got medically cleared to walk my own dogs again so that’s been really nice. Here’s me the first time I got to do so.

I’ve also started some spring seeds — both indoors under lights and a bed of greens and scallions out, under a row cover — so that’s also helping today. Having very young green beings to water and fuss over. 🌱

Take care,
Sandy

p.s. Are there other memoirs on these sorts of topics that you wish I’d mentioned? Feel free to tell me so on Bluesky or you can always email me, about that or whatever, here.

p.p.s. One last thing! For a potential piece, I’m conducting a survey for trans/gnc people about friendship. (It’s anonymous but if respondents wish, they can share contact information at the end, and I may follow up.) If you’re trans/gnc, I hope you’ll check it out and consider participating, if you want and feel it applies. Regardless, I encourage anyone, cis allies included, to please share the survey. Very grateful for the help!!!

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