To Cis People Who Feel Despair

Welcome to What’s Helping Today, a newsletter about the everyday work of staying alive on earth, written by author and journalist Sandy Ernest Allen.

Dear readers,

I know many of my readers don’t identify as cis, in which case you can consider forwarding this message to your cis relatives and friends. Or consider sharing it wherever you share things.

If you’re cis, I’ve written this newsletter with you especially in mind!

Hello, dear cis people. I know some of you might be feeling the intense desire to turn away from what’s happening to trans people right now — even if you do care about us, at least in theory.

Some of you may feel overwhelmed by all the chaos and despair, totally fair. Maybe you’ve tuned out and are unaware of what’s even happening (to trans people). Here’s a good recap, by Katelyn Burns.

I thought I’d offer some suggestions of concrete ways you could be a good ally right now. I get if you are feeling overloaded, perhaps helpless. You aren’t helpless; in fact, you are quite powerful.

I encourage you to care for yourself, first. If you feel up for it, here are some ideas as to how you can actively support trans people right now — particularly those in your own life and community (as I discussed last time, helping others is good for you too). Just ideas … Try one if you have the bandwidth, maybe more.

1. Text a trans friend, if you have one, can just be something as simple as: Hi, I’m thinking of you. What’s happening is so terrible. Just wanted you to know I care.

2. Or, if you feel emotionally capable of hearing the answer, you could ask a trans friend, How are you?

3. You could ask a trans friend, with whom you have this sort of intimate relationship, and if you feel emotionally (etc.) capable of actually helping someone else: Can I do anything to help you?

4. As much as possible, don’t ignore trans people — engage us. Include us; don’t shun us. Don’t fall into the trap of pretending we’re invisible or don’t exist or are already gone. We’re here. Speaking for myself, at least, I really appreciate those who know the real me who are actually demonstrating they care about me, right now.

5. If you aren’t friends with any trans people, that’s ok! As I’ve said before, there aren’t a ton of us, which is part of how the GOP has gotten away with turning us into monsters in so many peoples’ minds. Even if you don’t know a single trans person personally (that you’re aware of), you can still: Support trans crowdfund efforts (especially for those who are being forced to relocate states or even abroad). Support trans organizations (I linked two good ones last time). Support trans political candidates. Support trans creatives. If you don’t have money to give, you can still follow us, engage with our content, share it with others.

6. When your colleague/relative/friend says a transphobic statement, even a “joke,” don’t politely agree or stay silent. Don’t laugh. Consider actually saying to them, hey that isn’t funny/true, or even having a real conversation with them about why. Make it clear you’re no longer their audience.

7. Unfollow / divest from your transphobic favs. Consider cancelling your NYT subscription and letting them know why.

8. In particular tho: Cis people need to stop enjoying Harry Potter. I have so many thoughts on this topic — so many I’ve for years been working on a whole still-unpublished essay about it — but in brief that’s it: Enjoying Harry Potter got ripped away from trans people years ago and no one else should get to enjoy Harry Potter either. JK Rowling’s literally celebrating Trump banning trans girls from sports today, fucking barf!!! (If you’re like, ‘but I like Harry Potter!,' I did too, loudest of sighs!)

9. Consider subscribing to independent trans media (several linked in my last newsletter). Many mainstream outlets have failed to hire trans people nor consider our perspectives, therefore they’re not capturing the gravity of this situation whatsoever. Some like Rolling Stone and WIRED and Teen Vogue and Mother Jones are doing good work lately; consider following those or any queer outlets if you want better information.

10. I’ve already asked you to please call your senators and reps and tell them you care about trans people and they should too. Just this afternoon, I called mine using 5calls — which made calling pretty painless, for even an anxious, phone-averse trans guy such as me (here is their page for making calls for trans rights).

11. If you really want to help: Go to a protest near you outside a hospital that’s already stopping its trans youth healthcare. If web traffic’s any indication, many of my readers are in either New York City or Los Angeles, both “blue” cities where this is already happening. (Even though in New York State for example our attorney general has told hospitals to do the opposite.) If you want to see what’s happening in your area, check out the social media of a local LGBTQ or PFLAG group, that’s a good starting place. There was already a protest this week against NYU, where Cynthia Nixon, whose son is trans, was amongst the speakers. (“This city is filled with young people who thought they had a place to go where they could receive the highest care and that place has now been shut to them sickens me to my core,” she said; she and the crowd then shouted “Shame!”) There’s another protest this Saturday in NYC or even this very evening in LA. Long shot but figured I’d mention.

12. Last but not least: If you have any money to give, consider making a donation to my own rural trans healthcare provider. They are about to make the emergency, expensive shift into being an independent entity in order to hopefully better survive these times. They’re also no doubt absorbing many patients who are leaving other states for this one. I hope to write more about my doctor and how awesome he is, eventually. In short, it would mean so much to me if you’d consider giving even just a little, if you can. (Donations are being collected by Otsego Pride Alliance.)

One last thought, something that’s been on my mind: I invite cis people to stop worrying about supporting trans people wrong somehow. There is no wrong, at this point. Other than silence, inaction — those are wrong.

I invite you to be clumsy or to make mistakes or stumble, so long as you try. Will Ferrell in his documentary modeled some excellent, imperfect open-hearted trans allyship.

You can mess up. You will be okay. You can totally grow. Trans people, we know growth is real; we’ve often had to do impossible things.

Good short essay, by Lindsey Adler: You’re allowed to feel like garbage.

Highly recommend this Adam Conover podcast episode with Chase Strangio. Contains some good “hey what if a ‘normal person’ still feels xyz transphobic thing?” questions with supersmart responses. Could come in handy if you do indeed try to have uncomfortable conversations with cis people you know.

Here’s a playlist I made: music for hard times.

Thanks (for giving a fuck),
Sandy

p.s. What’s Helping Today: Lady Gaga, who gives a fuck. Also, Lady Gaga.

Thanks for reading What’s Helping Today! If you were forwarded this message, you can subscribe for free here.