"Self Care Isn't Selfish"

Welcome to What’s Helping Today, a newsletter about the everyday work of staying alive on earth — written by author and journalist Sandy Ernest Allen.

Hey folks,

It’s been just three weeks since an enormously sad situation has upended my life, in addition to everything else going on in this country and world. Time has slowed so much it honestly feels … unbelievable, that it’s only been three weeks.

I feel how this grief is re-shaping me. My brain is operating more slowly. My energy is low; my bandwidth finite. I gather that like others, I’m exhausted all the time nowadays, seemingly.

I have trouble asking for help; I have trouble taking the pressure off myself. I hate making mistakes. I hate admitting when I can’t do everything I might have intended. And yet, all these are just my reality, right now.

What’s Helping Today: Trying to do my self care activities fastidiously … the daily meditation. JournalSpeak every day as well. I’m trying to exercise even more. I have been trying to stay present and in a grateful frame of mind. I’ve been meeting weekly with my main mental health-type professional, per his suggestion (he is the best).

I’m not perfect at any of this. I still have my moments of totally falling apart. Last week for a few days, I surfed panic attacks, which all things considered: Unsurprising.

I have lately been contemplating the stress caregivers take on.

I did the following meditation the other morning, which raised some great points. Namely, especially for caregivers, self-care itself isn’t selfish. (I also just want to encourage caregivers to consider trying this meditation out.)

Many of us are under such tremendous stress. As we nonetheless endeavor to try to have relationships or whatever interactions with others, we have to first start with our relationship with ourselves. Anyone trying to care for others, we must summon our best possible selves to perform such taxing, selfless work.

For those who give of ourselves to others, whether professionally, or in our personal lives (or both), whether parents or those caring for other relatives, supportive friends and neighbors, healing professionals of whatever sorts, those actively defending their communities under attack right now — self care matters immensely.

Starting with one’s own self-care isn’t selfish, therefore. I’d echo it’s a crucial step indeed if we’re to show up as best we can. Hence why, during this overwhelming time, I am meditating and all the rest faithfully, rather relentlessly. I’m really trying to prioritize such on days even when I don’t want to.

It’s a tricky balance to strike, between supporting myself this way and not feeling too internally punishing. I’m imperfect; I try my best.

During a recent session with my aforementioned mh professional, I was describing the difficulty I can have, doing literally anything else except feeling consumed by this situation I’m in. I asked: How to justify even doing, like, the dishes?

Oh, do the dishes, he replied. Take breaks from the caregiving itself. What I’m experiencing right now, it’s intense. So do dishes, was his point to me. And maybe even bake bread. And so I did. I baked banana pecan muffins, too.

I appreciated this person’s response to my recent newsletter …

“Keep giving yourself grace” is exactly it … which is challenging for me, to say the least.

Ways to support folks on the ground in Minnesota …

re: what’s going on in Minnesota, I especially appreciated this conversation on How to Survive the End of the World …

Devastating essay by my friend Kristen Radtke …

These photos are astonishing …

Wise words, from Rebecca Solnit: “I was asked to talk about hope. First of all, hope does not mean saying this is not bad, and it does not mean saying that we can defeat it. It just means saying we will keep showing up.”

These remain immensely horrifying times …

And yet all over, people are fighting back:

Great reporting from Assigned Media’s founder Evan Urquhart …

Shifting topics slightly … Assigned is having a fundraiser. I hope you’ll consider supporting them, if possible — and not only because I’m a contributor and am excited about this next piece:

Journalists! Here’s an opportunity for free therapy sessions …

Amidst everything going on, I’m grateful to those who’ve contributed lately to my Buy Me a Coffee. I woke up to this the other day; truly, your support means so much, thank you.

As ever, I’m grateful for the things contributors say, as well …

Here’s a playlist of mine I’ve had on lately …

Sending love,
Sandy

Thanks for reading What’s Helping Today, a newsletter by author and journalist Sandy Ernest Allen. If you were forwarded this message, this newsletter is entirely free to read; you can subscribe here. Consider supporting WHT via my Buy Me a Coffee. Thanks.